Do you struggle with getting a good night's rest? Either have trouble falling asleep, or wake up in the night, or both?
I used to be a really deep sleeper. I've been known to sleep through earthquakes. I honed my sleep superpowers during an eight month biking and backpacking adventure through Asia, where I managed to sleep in the most uncomfortable and strange places: camping in friendly strangers’ yards, sleeping in brightly lit parks, in trains, buses, and even dirty bus terminals, in loud cities, and cold mountains. But everything changed after having my son three years ago. There was the waking up 5 times a night to breast feed. There was the maternal state of high alert that yanked me awake at the sound of every pin drop. There were the nights it took me ages to get him back to sleep. Plus, our son has always been an early riser. By early, I mean 4:30 was his natural wake up for an excruciatingly long time. Thankfully, now it's more like 5:30 or 6am.
As you can imagine, all of these factors left me achingly sleep deprived. Although my husband was as supportive as can be, a breast fed infant can only get so much comfort from daddy. By the time he was five months old, although our son was becoming a better sleeper, now I was the one having difficulty getting to sleep. It got to the point where, although I was exhausted all day long, when I finally laid down in bed, I could not fall asleep for the life of me. I would be so close to drifting off, and then all of a sudden, adrenaline would burst through my body and the feeling of falling would jerk me awake. My heart would start pounding and I could not settle it down, sometimes for hours. After eventually falling asleep, I would wake up a couple hours later, either because of a crying baby, or my own anxieties.
I was exhausted and at my wit's end. I started researching insomnia and sleep. I wanted to know why I felt a surge of adrenaline at the most inappropriate time. I learned that an adrenaline rush starts in the brain, when the amygdala perceives a threat. The amygdala tells the hypothalamus to prepare the body for danger. The hypothalamus communicates through the sympathetic nervous system, sending signals to the adrenal glands to secrete the stress hormone adrenaline. Adrenaline is what gets the body into a fight or flight state: increased heart and respiratory rate, dilated pupils, major muscles ready for action, increased perspiration, and breaking down large sugar molecules into readily used glucose. Although while in bed there is no real threat, our brain mistakes internal anxiety and stress for danger. At night, unresolved worries, plans, conflicts, or images of a movie or TV show may play out in our mind because we are finally in a quiet and still enough space for our own thoughts to have a voice. In my case, stress was caused by maternal instinct to stay alert in case my son needed me, plus the anxiety over NOT sleeping, and worry that I would be exhausted the next day and ineffective at the many tasks on my plate. Can you relate?
I read about the importance of sleep hygiene and having a good sleep routine. Well, this was a no-brainer, since we had prioritized Leo's sleep routine and it worked exceptionally well for him. For Leo, we had a very specific bedtime routine: in this order every night, we would turn down the lights in the rest of the house soon after dinner and lead him to his room for a bunch of stories. Then came toothbrushing, eventually using the potty, then pajamas, one final story, a kiss goodnight from daddy and finally a song from mommy.
I realized I needed a sleep routine. I experimented with different things, and this is what works best for me:
Turning down all the lights by 8PM and turning off my computer and phone.
After getting all ready for sleep (last house chores done, pajamas on, teeth brushed and face washed and oiled) I meet my husband on our yoga mats in the living room (where they live perpetually). We practice yoga together, usually with soothing music on. (This is my favorite part of the day.) We both do our own thing. Sometimes we are quiet, and sometimes we talk about things going on for us. After about 30-40 minutes of this, we get into a comfortable cross legged seat and meditate.
My evening meditation practice goes like this: first, I practice what I call The Observation Meditation (click for an audio recording), just allowing my senses to observe everything around and inside me. I use the silent mantra "I notice:" followed by whatever I notice in each moment; the clock ticking, my breath, the sound of the heater, a sensation in my back, etc. Then I move into a full body scan, observing sensation in each part of my body, starting in one thumb and working my way all the way around to my face. Finally, I repeat the St. Francis of Assisi prayer as a silent mantra: "Lord, make me an instrument of peace..." until I truly can get through the entire thing without being distracted, actually feeling the intention of the prayer. At this point I start to yawn and that's when I know I'm ready for bed.
This routine is very personal, and I'm not suggesting you follow it verbatim. But if you also struggle either with falling asleep, or waking up in the night and not being able to get back to sleep, I recommend experimenting with a sleep routine. Turning down lights, avoiding screens, avoiding caffeine and chocolate after 4 pm, and some kind of meditation and or yoga practice are all highly recommended by sleep specialists. Of course there are plenty of medications and herbal supplements out there that help with sleep, and I have tried a few, but what really works best of all with no negative side effects or addiction is following my routine every night. It means I have to sacrifice a lot of nightlife and movie watching, but to me it's worth it. And once in awhile when I break the routine and have trouble sleeping, I remind myself that that it's not a catastrophe to miss one night's sleep, I will survive and function the next day, and will make sure to get a good night's sleep the following evening. Relaxing my anxiety about how much sleep I get allows me eventually to fall sleep and avoid the terrible sleep catch-22.
I hope this helps you! If you struggle with a good night's sleep, please email me and let me know what works for you, or if any of these suggestions have been helpful. I'm also available for one on one coaching to help you create an evening yoga and meditation routine that suits you.