7 years ago today, I became a mother.
Reflecting on the immense changes that motherhood brought to my life, I can say it has:
Cracked my heart wide open to new depths of love I never knew were possible
Reminded me how to be silly and playful
Taught me greater patience, mediation skills, and empathy
Showed me places in myself that needed love and healing
These are the greatest gifts of parenting. Now that my boy is 7, and so capable, independent, and smart, I can also reflect on those first couple years when he was so needy of my time, caretaking, and energy. When I was equally enamored with my adorable baby, exhausted from lack of sleep, frustrated by constantly having my attention pulled in many directions, and overwhelmed with trying to balance mom life with my need to express myself through my work and creative passions.
Everyone told me, “nap when he naps”, and I thought, “yeah right, I have things to do”. They told me, “they grow up so fast, be present now” and I thought, “I know AND I’ve got a lot of things I want to BE in addition to being a mom.” The consequences of trying so hard to be supermom, super householder, and super business woman were adrenal fatigue, overwhelm, and insomnia, and I am STILL doing the work to rebalance my nervous system. SEVEN YEARS LATER.
If there is one thing I wish I could have done differently, one thing I really wish I could tell new moms, it’s this: It is true that it goes by in a flash and you don’t want to miss it. It is true that just for this one time in your life, you get to be the world to a child who really needs your complete presence. But being there for your child at this time is NOT the only reason to be present. You get to play this star role not just in your child’s life, but in YOUR OWN life. Enjoy it, not only because your baby will grow up so fast. Don’t rush back to reclaiming the parts of you that you have needed to sacrifice because, THIS: your OWN nervous system, your OWN body, your OWN being needs you to fully be present for this chapter in YOUR LIFE. To witness your OWN growth and development in this new context. To pay attention to your OWN body’s signs of needing rest, nourishment, and caretaking. To nourish your OWN being with your attention, food, and love. (If you know a new mom, forward this email!)
So many new moms, myself included, end up with seriously depleted bodies, nervous systems, and hearts by trying to be everything at once. Our world rewards achievement while downplaying the gifts and sacrifices of the most incredible and important job in the world. Ayurveda recognizes how lack of rest, nourishment, and care for mothers leads to post-partum depression, depletion, and exhaustion in the short term (vata aggravation), which in the long term leads to chronic illness and disease. (Those of us who don’t have young children at home can really support our entire world by looking for ways to lend a hand to parents of little ones.)
Leo turns 7 today and I am so grateful. Grateful for his beautiful soul and love, and grateful for all the support I’ve gotten from my husband, my family, and my community. And grateful for the privilege of studying ayurveda and the many, many ways it has helped me come back to equilibrium.
